


The Gemini Bond

by reclusiveq



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Asthma attack, Bad Parenting, First Meetings, Foster Care, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:08:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2342942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reclusiveq/pseuds/reclusiveq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Newly orphaned Bucky is sent to his first foster home, where he meets Steve and a friendship is quickly formed. But moving in and out of foster homes, it seemed likely they would lose contact with each other. So why do they keep crossing paths?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stephrc79](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephrc79/gifts).



> Gift fic from a prompt from [stephrc79](http://stephrc79.tumblr.com/): Modern!AU w/pre-serum!Steve. Since we don’t really have orphanages in the US anymore, but more foster families, what if Bucky and Steve keep getting bumped from foster to foster as they grow up, and keep running into each other. 
> 
> Also, loosely base on a Soul Mates AU idea from [ this list](http://shakespeareishq.tumblr.com/post/97853660167/thegeminisage-you-know-what-the-best-thing-ever), in which soul mates share a tattoo. In this fic, the tattoo develops slowly through each encounter with your soul mate, so chance meetings mean your tattoo will develop more slowly.

_April 1993_

Bucky shifted his bag slightly as he stepped inside the immaculate house. The CPS worker had told him that this was a good place. That the family was good with kids like him. Apparently what she meant was that this house was run like the army. Bucky discovered that as soon as she was gone. 

“Your room is this way,” the man, Colonel Phillips, said. The Colonel was retired now and had opened his home to army kids who’d lost their parents. 

Bucky followed him quietly down the hall to a room that held two beds. There was a trunk at the foot of each bad and two desks. The first thought that came to mind was ‘barracks’. The only thing that really made it feel less like an army barracks was the small knit blankets on each bed. Bucky wondered if the Colonel’s wife had made them.

“Your clothes go in that trunk there. I’ve left a schedule on the table for you. Rules too. Make sure you learn them.”

“Yes, sir,” Bucky said quietly, fighting the urge to salute. Then he was left alone.

He took his time unpacking his things. Someone had already brought his clothes over. The flag they had given him at his parent’s funeral went into the bottom of the trunk. It was just a reminder of what he’d lost. He had a few other personal items: a book, a stuffed bear (at thirteen, he might have been too old for that, but it was the very first toy his parents had given him), and a photo. They all went carefully into the bottom of the trunk, hidden away under the clothes.

When he was done, Bucky walked over to the desk and picked up the schedule. Six A.M. wake up. Get dressed and make the bed. 6:30. Breakfast. 7:00. Morning chores. The list went on, leaving no real free time, unless there was something at school.

“It’s not so bad,” said a voice behind him.

Bucky snapped to attention and whirled around to see a skinny, pale kid with bright blue eyes watching him. The kid was a full head shorter than Bucky but Bucky didn’t think he was as young as he looked.

“I’ve been here about a month,” the kid said. “I’m Steve.” He grinned and Bucky smiled back.

Unlike the colonel, whose very presence just commanded respect and attention, Steve seemed pretty easy-going and Bucky found it relaxing to be around him. “I’m James, but everyone calls me Bucky.” He stuck out his hand.

Steve seemed amused by the gesture but he shook Bucky’s hand anyway. “We’re roommates then. This is my room too.”

“Roommates,” Bucky repeated, glancing at the other bed.

“Well, that’s the colonel’s words. He’s also said bunkmates. Thinks he’s still in the army. Maybe we can be friends instead?”

Bucky looked back at Steve, saw the hopeful look in his eyes, and smiled. “Friends,” he agreed. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

~~~  
"Is it true," Steve whispered one night. They were supposed to be sleeping. If the colonel caught them talking, they'd get extra chores. Bucky didn't care. He'd been here a couple weeks now. Even though the colonel could be pretty strict, it was still a good place. Though that may have just been because of Steve.

Bucky learned that Steve was so small because he had been sick a lot as a baby. He was still easily susceptible to catching a cold or the flu. He also had asthma, which prevented him from participating in some of the colonel's exercises.

Bucky also learned that none of that stopped Steve from doing what he wanted. If he couldn't run with the rest of the kids (there were six of them), then he ran as much as he could before he had to stop. If the other kids wanted to play soccer or baseball, Steve would jump in to help where he could. He was really bad at sports, but that never dulled his enthusiasm.

"Is what true?" Bucky asked. He had his eyes closed, but he was just as awake as Steve.

"I heard the colonel talking about your parents. Is it true they were actual soul mates? Like, with the shared tattoo and everything.”

The question seemed to come out of nowhere and now Bucky did open his eyes. He peered across the dark room to the other bed. “Yeah, it’s true. Dad was killed in Iraq and it killed mom.”

Steve was quiet for a long moment. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t even know until they both died. I mean, I knew they were soul mates, but I didn’t really know what it meant.” Bucky rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He remembered when the sergeant came by and told him. Soul mates, _true_ soul mates, couldn’t live without each other once the bond was completely in place.

“I thought they didn’t let soul mates into the army,” Steve said quietly.

“Dad was already in before he met Mom and he was really good. They tried to keep him out of the worst areas though. Just didn’t work.”

“Oh.” Steve was quiet for a moment. “I have a book that talks about the tattoos of soul mates. It has pictures of all the historical markings. What did your parents have?”

Bucky smiled, remembering Mom showing him hers. “It was a pair of brown sparrows in a field of green. I dunno. I can’t really describe it right.”

He could hear Steve smiling. “I like that. I wonder if I’ll be lucky enough to have a soul mate someday.”

“I don’t know if it’s lucky,” Bucky said. “I mean, it was really hard on them to be apart. Your parents?”

“No, they weren’t soul mates, but they still loved each other, I think.”

“I think that’s enough,” Bucky said, thinking of the long nights his mom would have when Dad had to go overseas for something. “I don’t want more than that.” 

They both froze as they heard the colonel coming down the hall to check on everyone. Bucky rolled back onto his side. “Go to sleep, Steve.”

~~~  
“Hey, Leo’s getting ready to fight your friend.” Bucky looked up from his math homework that he was trying to finish in the ten minutes before class started. He’d been distracted after his shower last night. There was a spot on his left arm that wasn’t coming off and he was worried about what it might mean. When Steve had asked him why he was so distracted, Bucky had shrugged, but hadn’t answered. The result had been unfinished math work.

When Peggy came up to him, Bucky didn’t even stop to think about the consequences. He just jumped up and followed after Peggy. Fighting was supposed to be against school rules, but after attending this school for a month, Bucky was well aware that most teachers tended to take their time about breaking up fights. He wasn’t sure if they didn’t care or what, but more than one student ended up in the nurse’s office before the teachers stepped in.

A crowd had gathered behind the school building, where Leo and Steve were fighting. Well, it was more Steve getting beat up than an actual fight. Bucky had to give him credit though. Steve was giving it his all. It just wasn’t good enough. Bucky shouldered his way through the crowd and grabbed Leo’s shirt, hauling him off of Steve and pushing him into the crowd of kids. “Leave him alone, Thompson,” Bucky growled.

“You want some of this, Barnes?” Leo leapt forward, swinging at Bucky.

Bucky had learned a lot of things from his dad, but most important was how (and when) to fight. He knew he was better than Leo and if he wasn’t careful he could really hurt him. Bucky didn’t want that. But he also didn’t want Leo to think he could keep bullying Steve. So as Leo came back at him, Bucky twisted a little, easily avoiding the punch, and landed a good, solid hit in the other boy’s gut. Leo dropped to his knees with a groan. 

At the same time that Bucky’s punch landed, a teacher decided to finally show up. “James Buchanan Barnes, what do you think you’re doing?” She demanded shrilly.

“Your job,” Bucky retorted angrily. “Stopping a bully from beating up my friend.”

It was the wrong thing to say and Bucky knew it, but he didn’t care. The teacher turned red and marched forward. “James, you will go straight to the principal’s office. Leo Thompson. Steve Rogers. Get to the nurse’s office now. The rest of you, school is starting. Get to your classes.”

Bucky didn’t go straight to the principal’s office. He insisted on helping Steve up first. Steve gave him a wry smile. “Sorry. You got in trouble cause of me.”

Bucky smiled back. “What’d he do this time?”

“Called Peggy a name. It was rude and I told him to apologize.”

Bucky laughed. “Sometimes I think you like getting beat up. Come on, nurse is on the way to the principal’s office.”

~~~  
“I can’t believe they’re moving you to a new foster home,” Steve grumbled. They were sitting on the porch, waiting for CPS to arrive. After the fight yesterday, Bucky had been suspended and someone - Bucky didn’t know if it was the colonel or CPS - had decided that maybe this wasn’t the best place for him. They were going to try placing him with a different family. Bucky had no idea where.

He rubbed his arm. The mark there had developed into a small star. He kept it hidden. He had met a lot of people over the past month, but he hadn’t seen anyone with a similar mark. He certainly didn’t want to be bonded to someone like that and was hoping if he ignored it, it would go away..

Looking at Steve, Bucky smiled. “Hey, I’ll write you, okay. So don’t you go anywhere. I bet the next place will be a lot better anyway. Maybe they’ll even let me have fun.”

Steve laughed. “Don’t have too much fun.”

“Promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

_November 1994_

Bucky brushed the sweat from his brow, his breath visible in the crisp morning air. He didn’t mind the cold. It was better doing yard work in the fall than in the summer and there were still leaves to rake around the neighborhood; each pile earned him another ten dollars. 

This was his third foster home. The last one, a younger couple new to being foster parents, hadn’t counted on how stressful it could be and had pulled out after six months. Bucky didn’t know what they had expected. Most orphans carried some emotional burden. Bucky wasn’t any different, but he was learning to keep it inside. People didn’t want to deal with problems like his, even foster parents.

There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t miss his parents, that he didn’t miss the times from before when they were all together and _happy_. After a year, he was starting to learn why foster kids like him didn’t bother making friends. He’d written Steve a couple times after he’d been moved around, and had received a couple in return, but then nothing. He found out later that Steve had been moved as well. Between all of that, Bucky had no idea where Steve was at now.

For all that they had only known each other a few months, even Steve’s absence weighed heavily on Bucky. He missed the little punk, almost as much as he missed his parents. That twig of a boy, who always acted tougher than he was, had made those first few months bearable, even somewhat normal.

Bending down, Bucky picked up the pile and shoved it into the large bag, stuffing it down and trying not to think of being five years old when he helped his mom rake. She had always let him jump in the leaves back then. And when they were done raking, they would both pick one that hadn’t been destroyed and keep it in a book. 

Bucky picked up a leaf now, examining it closely, holding back the emotions that always came when he thought about his parents.

“You always have your heads up in the clouds, James.”

Bucky blinked and glanced back at the red-head. She was one of his classmates and was often visiting a friend who lived across the street from Bucky. “Natasha,” he said, smiling at her. “Aren’t you a bit far from home?” He shoved the leaf into the bag and finished up quickly. 

“Maybe I just wanted to come see you,” she said, sitting on the ground next to where he was working. 

“Liar. You never come to see me,” he grumbled good-naturedly. 

“Okay, so I came to see Clint.” She smiled and shrugged. “Good thing I did, though. You’re missing your new… I guess he’d be a foster brother? Roommate? Comrade in arms?”

Bucky looked at her confused. “What are you talking about?” The old woman, his current foster parent, hadn’t said anything about taking in more kids, especially not this close to Thanksgiving. Then again, despite being the sweetest woman in the neighborhood, she could be a bit daft, so maybe she’d just forgotten.

“New boy at your place. He just arrived a few minutes ago. Saw CPS drop him off. Just thought you’d like to know.”

“I’ll go meet him after I finish this.” He glanced up the street. Two more houses still to go and, dammit, now Nat had him curious. “Go bother your boyfriend.”

Natasha smiled at him. “He’s not my boyfriend. Although if you’re jealous, I’m sure Clint wouldn’t mind if you wanted to make out.”

“What, make out with you?” Bucky snorted.

“No, make out with him.”

Bucky blushed and straightened. “I’ve got work to do,” he said again, trying to brush her off. She laughed and let it go, wandering off. 

It took him another hour to finish up, then he pocketed his earnings and hurried back to the house.

“Mrs. Hanson? I’m back.”

The old woman came out of the kitchen and smiled. “Oh, James. We have a new house guest for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Poor dear. They couldn’t get him placed in a proper home before the holidays.”

Proper? Bucky frowned a bit. If this wasn’t a proper home, what did that say about him? Swallowing, he pushed his own uncertainty away and stepped into the kitchen. He stopped and blinked. “Steve?”

The blonde boy looked up, and broke into a huge grin. “Bucky!”

Bucky hurried over and hugged Steve tightly. It was stupid to be so excited about seeing the other boy, but he couldn’t help it. He suddenly felt like the next month wouldn’t be so bad. 

Steve hugged him back, but his grip wasn’t as strong as Bucky’s. Bucky stepped back and looked at Steve. He was already small, but he looked even more frail than normal. “You’ve been sick?” Bucky asked, concerned.

“Still am. Been in the hospital. Mrs. Hanson is making me spend the holidays with her.” Steve gave him a pained look, but Bucky knew Steve was happy about it. “She said it wasn’t right for a kid to spend the holidays alone.”

“I can hear you, dears. I’m old. Not deaf.” Mrs. Hanson set two cups of hot chocolate on the counter for the boys. “Well, it seems you two know each other. That makes things easier. It’s just for the holidays. I wish I could keep you for longer, Steve.”

“I know, ma’am.”

She reached across the counter and squeezed his hand. “You’ll be fine. You two catch up. I’ve got my program starting soon.” She left them alone. Bucky watched her go, then looked at Steve. 

“So what happened?” 

“Flu and asthma didn’t mix together so well. Been in and out of the hospital a couple times since mid october. Last foster home said they didn’t have time to take care of a sick kid. So here I am.”

Bucky threw an arm around Steve’s thin shoulders. “Well, I’m glad. Did you already see your room?”

“Not yet."

~~~  
The next day, they sat on the porch together. Mrs. Hanson had to work, but since school was out for Thanksgiving, Bucky and Steve had plenty of time to catch up. 

"You make any new friends?" Steve wanted to know.

Bucky shook his head. "Not really, though there's this one girl..."

Steve grinned. "Girlfriend?"

Bucky laughed loudly. "Not even close. She doesn’t do the dating thing. She’s nice though. So is the guy across the street. They’re good friends with each other.”

“But not you?”

“With all the moving?” Bucky shrugged. “Doesn’t seem worth making the connections.”

Steve gave Bucky a long, serious look, making Bucky feel guilty. Bucky shifted, then stood up. “They’re probably over there right now, if you want to meet them.”

Steve smiled. “I’d like that.” 

Bucky led the way over, knocking. He was unsurprised when the door opened only seconds later and the feisty redhead stuck her nose out. “I was wondering how long it would take you two to get over here.”

Behind her, a young man with spiked blonde hair pulled the door open the rest of the way. “Come in. It’s cold outside. I’m Clint, this is Natasha. Don’t worry, parents are gone. Out of town for the week.”

Bucky stepped inside after Steve, closing the door behind him. “Steve wanted to meet you guys. He’s here until after Christmas.”

Natasha smiled. “Good, we wanted to meet him as well. Then again, I just like meeting new people.” 

They were led into a rather large living room. Clint gestured to the couch and Bucky sat. Steve dropped down next to him, their shoulders nearly touching. Bucky didn’t like most people to sit that close to him, but somehow it was okay that it was Steve. His closeness didn’t even cross Bucky’s mind.

“All right, Steve,” Natasha said, sitting in one of the two armchairs. Clint sat in the other, though maybe it was better to say he perched, seated on the arm the way he was. “Tell us about yourself. What do you like to do for fun?”

~~~  
Bucky ushered himself and Steve out after a couple of hours. Despite his decision not to get close to anyone else, he had found himself relaxing and opening up. They’d talked about how Steve and Bucky had met and about Steve’s art among other things. It felt good to be around friends and laugh again. In fact, he couldn’t really figure out why he had been so reticent now.

The next couple of days found Bucky becoming even better friends with Clint and Natasha, mostly thanks to Steve’s influence. Thanksgiving day, the two of them even joined Bucky and Steve for dinner with Mrs. Hanson. It wasn’t quite like the Thanksgivings with his parents, but having people he cared about helped a lot and he went to bed after a full meal and a night of board games with a smile on his face.

A couple weeks after Thanksgiving, Steve got sick again and had to stay in bed. Bucky stayed by his side as much as he could, mostly just keeping him company. 

Steve smiled at him. “You should go get some fresh air. Besides, you don’t need to get sick too.”

Bucky laughed. “I never get sick. Mom…” Bucky paused, waiting for the inevitable grief whenever he thought about his parents, but it didn’t come this time. Maybe it _was_ getting easier. “Mom told me I started to get sick once, when I was a baby… I think I was maybe two at the time. I don’t remember it, but she said I asked her why I didn’t feel so good, and she’d made up some story about a monster that likes to make kids feel sick, but that I could scare it away if I was tough enough.” He found himself smiling as he recalled the story. “Apparently I took that to heart. She said every time I started to feel sick, I’d just start yelling at the air.”

Steve laughed. “Please tell me you don’t still do that.”

“Hell no,” Bucky grinned. “I grew out of it. But maybe I scared them all off for good.”

“Wish that would work for me,” Steve said, quietly. He started coughing. Bucky tensed up without realising it, watching with concern, until Steve’s body stopping shaking.

Bucky forced his smile back. “Well, if you’d like I could scare it off for you.”

Steve laughed. “Go for it, but only if you promise to go out and let me sleep after.”

Although he didn’t like the idea of leaving Steve alone for long, Bucky agreed. Steve did need his rest and with Christmas just around the corner, he wanted to get Steve something good. He didn’t have much saved up, and he’d been planning on using it for his own place after he graduated, but it would be worth the money to get Steve a decent present. After all, he would have to go back into foster care soon. Mrs. Hanson was too old to take care of someone like Steve for very long. It would be nice to give Steve something special to take with him.

Standing, Bucky took a deep breath, feeling a little childish. “All right, listen up, monsters,” he said loudly and firmly. “Steve is under my protection. If you don’t leave him alone, I’ll beat you all up.”

The silence that followed was broken by laughter from Steve, who was shaking trying to contain himself. Bucky blushed a bit, but started laughing too. “That was pretty ridiculous,” he said, rubbing his neck.

“Not at all,” Steve answered. “I’m sure they were very intimidated.” He broke down into another fit of laughter.

“All right, punk,” Bucky grumbled playfully. “Get some sleep. I won’t be gone long.”

~~~  
“You’ll never guess who I saw at the store,” Bucky said later, after he’d gotten back from shopping.

Steve was sitting up in bed, drawing in his sketchbook. The colour had come back into his cheeks, for which Bucky was grateful. Maybe shouting really did work. “Who?” Steve looked up and smiled, accepting the warm mug of hot chocolate Bucky handed him.

“Remember Peggy Carter?”

“No way, really?” Steve perked up and shifted. “How is she?”

“As feisty as ever.” Bucky remembered the huge crush Steve had had on her. He’d never said anything, but Bucky had been able to tell. Steve had even picked a fight with someone who had called her a name. That fight was the whole reason Bucky had been kicked out of his first foster home. “She was giving some poor salesman a dressing down. I don’t even know what about but she puts you to shame. She said to tell you hi.” Bucky paused, then pulled out a piece of paper. “Here, it’s her phone number. She asked me to give it to you.”

Steve was grinning ear to ear as he took it. Bucky should have felt happy too, but he couldn’t completely suppress the twinge of jealousy he felt. Still, he smiled. “You should call her. Maybe we can all go out on Christmas Eve. We can invite Natasha and Clint too. Go dancing somewhere.”

“You think she’d want to?” Steve’s smile fell away, changing to a look of uncertainty. Bucky could well imagine that Steve’s small size had given him plenty of reason to doubt his good qualities or why someone would want him.

“Steve, she gave you her number. If she didn’t want to see you again, she wouldn’t have done that.”

“Okay. Well… But what about you? You wouldn’t have a date.”

“I’ll just ask someone from school,” Bucky said, with a cheerfulness he didn’t quite feel.

~~~  
“You look miserable,” Natasha said, coming over to sit with Bucky. There was a concert in Central Park that they’d ended up at. Steve was out dancing with Peggy somewhere and Bucky wasn’t sure where Clint had disappeared to. He hadn’t got a date after all, but that was fine. Or at least that’s what he’d told Steve.

Bucky shrugged. “It’s not as bad as last Christmas. Last Christmas, the young couple who’d taken me and a couple others in. They decided that we would learn to appreciate what we had if we served those less fortunate and we all got stuck serving homeless at a food shelter. As if we could ever take anything for granted. They really didn’t know how to handle foster kids at all.”

“Ouch. Well, instead of sitting here being miserable by yourself, why don’t you dance with me?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Where’s Clint?”

“Off getting into trouble somewhere. Come on.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him out to the dance area. Bucky didn’t argue. 

“I noticed your tattoo changed,” she whispered into his ear as a slow song started playing, tapping his left bicep with her finger.

Bucky frowned. It was true that the mark on his arm had developed more, though Bucky had mostly been ignoring that development. “When did you ever see my tattoo?”

Natasha laughed. “Come on, you aren’t half as clever as you think you are. You’re hiding it with makeup, and not very well. The makeup comes off when you scratch it. I won’t ask why you’re hiding it, but I can give you some pointers for hiding it better, if you’re that determined.”

Relieved that she wasn’t pushing more, Bucky nodded. “Thanks. I’d appreciate that.” He caught sight of Steve and Peggy, and smiled watching them for a moment. “You know, I’m glad to be out with friends. And to see Steve happy. Him and Peggy looked good together.”

Natasha smiled knowingly. “Maybe.” She chuckled. “Would you rather dance with them?”

“Hell no.” Bucky forced himself to pay attention to Natasha, feeling guilty for paying so much attention to someone else. “Let them have their moment together. Besides, not many guys get to dance with you, so I think I’m pretty lucky too.”

“Nice save there, Romeo,” Natasha teased. “Let’s just enjoy the time we get to spend together.”

~~~  
Bucky packed up Steve’s few belongings. It was the new year now, time for Steve to go back into the system. “Okay, you have three phone numbers. Peggy’s, Nat’s, and Clint’s. So even if we lose contact with each other with letters, you can still call them and they can contact me. Or vice versa.”

“Definitely,” Steve said, taking the bag from Bucky. Christmas, like Thanksgiving, had been a happy time for everyone, though Bucky couldn’t help but feel down with Steve having to leave again. “I can’t believe, with all the moving, that Peggy still wants to keep going out.”

“Well, I hope things work out for you two. And keep up with the drawing.”

“I will. Maybe next time we see each other, you can model for me.”

Bucky chuckled. “Only if you draw my good side. And Steve… thank you. You helped me. Again.”

Steve grinned. “Isn’t that what friends are for?”

“Yeah,” Bucky answered, his heart twisting a bit, though he didn’t know why. He brushed it off to the fact that Steve was leaving again. “Yeah, I guess it is.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I am so sorry this took so long to get out. I've been dealing with personal anxiety issues lately, but here is the next chapter.
> 
> The rest of the chapters are planned out and ready to go, so barring nothing in real life getting in the way, they shouldn't take another month to put out. Thank you to everyone sticking this out with me.

_~February 1996~_

Bucky gripped Sharon’s hips tightly, grinding against her as they kissed. It wasn’t a bad kiss, at least as far as he could tell. Sharon was the first girl he'd dated and they'd only been going out for a couple of weeks. 

Sharon broke the kiss and he let go, letting her curl up in his arms, as they lay back on the grass in the small park. “You know,” she said. “I still can’t believe you chose me.”

Bucky smiled. “Why not? You’re pretty and smart. If anything, _I’m_ the lucky one. You’re the one who’s at the top of the class and here you are, dating a punk like me.”

She grinned, resting a hand on his chest. “Maybe you are lucky. But you have to know all the girls in class wanted you to ask them out. You may be a punk, but you’re a respectful punk. Nice, but not _too_ nice.”

“I can’t help my wandering hands. Sometimes they have a mind of their own.” It had taken a lot of work to get to this point, where he didn’t feel like friends were a burden. A lot of that was thanks to Steve, Natasha, Peggy, and Clint. 

“And sometimes they protect someone who can’t protect themselves.” Sharon propped herself up on an elbow and looked at him. “Like when you punched the guy who called Amy a slut.”

Bucky looked at her, then up at the evening sky. “I’d do it again. He was just angry cause she wouldn’t go out with him. But there was no need for name-calling.”

Sharon laughed. “If I tell you that you aren’t like most guys, would you be offended?”

“Naw, I’d probably take it as a compliment. Men can be assholes, including me.”

“Maybe.” She lay back down.

Quiet evenings like this relaxed Bucky. He was in a good home. His last home had been good too, and he’d actually lived there for more than a year. But then shortly after the new year, the old lady had taken a bad fall. She was in a nursing home now, recovering from a hip replacement surgery, and Bucky had moved on to a new home.

He hadn’t lost track of Steve this time, though. Between Nat, Clint, and Peggy, Steve and Bucky were able to meet up more often. 

Steve and Peggy were still dating, off and on. Peggy had a fiery temper and every now and then, Steve would do or say something stupid without thinking. But they did care about each other, and whatever they went through, they always ended up back together again.

Bucky tried not to think about it too often. He was happy that Steve was happy, but every now and then, he would listen to Steve and Peggy talk about how they went out for ice cream together, or made it to Coney Island, and Bucky would feel jealous. It was stupid to feel jealous of his best friend.

Which was why, when Sharon had asked him out two weeks ago, Bucky had said yes. Honestly, he probably would have said yes to anyone who’d asked him, but Sharon had been the only one confident enough to try. 

Dating her definitely had its perks. He wasn’t stupid himself, but he didn’t fare so well in English class, so she would often come over and help him out. Sometimes that ended in a make out session and sometimes it didn’t. But it did keep his mind off of wondering what Steve and Peggy were getting into.

“I’ve got to get home,” Sharon said, interrupting his thoughts. “You know my dad doesn’t like me being out past eleven.”

“I’ll walk you,” Bucky said.

~~~  
“Steve’s foster parents took away his phone privileges. Again.” Natasha plopped down into the booth across from Bucky. “Peggy just told me.”

Bucky frowned. Everything had been fine last night with Sharon, but thinking of Steve out of contact again… Bucky’s chest tightened. It had already been over a week since they'd last spoken. 

He pushed the feeling away. “Did he get in trouble again?”

“Peggy says some guys tried to bully him at school. She was there when his foster family asked him about it. Seemed like they were more upset about Steve’s clothes getting ripped up than about him.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Yes, and they kicked Peggy out. Told her Steve wasn’t allowed to see her anymore. Like it was all her fault.”

“I bet she’s pissed.” Bucky was too, of course, but he didn’t say that. “So, what? He’s grounded?”

“Yeah, not allowed to see anyone.”

“To hell with that. It’s Sunday and I don’t have any plans. I’ll go bust him out.”

Natasha grinned. “What, Bucky Barnes, the kid that never wants to cause waves is going to go make trouble?”

Bucky set his jaw. He’d managed to mostly stay out of trouble the last two years. The few times he’d gotten into a fight had been to protect others from bullies and most of the teachers here understood that.

This was different. He didn't really have the right to interfere in the way someone parented. And this could get Steve into worse trouble. But it wasn’t fair for them to act like that, when Steve hadn't even some anything wrong.

“Well, he’s never been happy there,” Bucky said, more to set his own mind at ease. “Remember when they took his art supplies away?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “And the excuse they gave. ‘Art is a waste of time and pointless. As long as you live here, you can spend your free time doing housework to improve yourself.’ Like Steve isn’t already practically a saint.”

“If Steve’s a saint, then I’m the pope, but you’re not wrong,” Bucky said. “He’s not a bad kid like they think… He’s lost both his parents and he’s still…” Bucky realised he was starting to rant and stopped talking. 

Natasha reached over and squeezed Bucky’s hand. It wasn’t the first time Bucky had gone off on a rant about how bad Steve had it. “I know. Come on, let’s see if we can kidnap Steve for the day.”

Bucky grinned. “Sounds like a plan.”

Steve didn’t live far from the cafe where Bucky and Natasha had met up. It took them less than fifteen minutes to walk there. They ducked behind some bushes as a jeep pulled out of the driveway, Steve's foster parents behind the wheel.

As soon as the jeep had rounded the corner, Bucky darted out of the bushes and up to the front door, grinning as he knocked. Natasha was chuckling as Bucky practically bounced on his heels. He couldn’t help it, telling himself that he was just feeling the adrenaline from doing something they shouldn’t.

The excitement turned into something else when Steve opened the door. He looked pale as death. Bucky grabbed his arms. “Steve, can you breathe?” How Bucky knew this was an asthma attack was beyond him, but he did. He didn’t bother questioning it. “Where’s your inhaler?”

“Broken,” Steve said, his voice husky with trouble breathing. 

“Natasha, call the ambulance. Now!” Bucky ordered, picking Steve up and carrying him to the couch. He had no idea what to do to help Steve. “Steve, do you have a spare inhaler?”

Steve shook his head. “It’s… It’s not bad... “

“Yes, it is. Natasha! What do we do?” Bucky’s tone had turned slightly frantic. He looked up at her as she spoke quickly with the operator, explaining the situation.

Somehow Natasha managed to talk them through the attack, relaying messages from the operator after ensuring an ambulance was on the way. Bucky held Steve throughout the process, until the ambulance arrived and Natasha ended the call.

They hurried in and Bucky very nearly punched the first EMT before realising who was trying to take Steve out of his arms. He forced himself to let go, moving to get out of the way, but Steve’s hand gripped his wrist. Bucky looked at the EMT, who just shrugged. “You can come, but only you.”

“It’s okay, Bucky,” Nat said. “I’ve got another call to make.”

~~~  
Bucky sat with Steve in the hospital room while Steve slept. The doctor had said he’d be okay but was keeping him overnight for observation. Outside the room, he could hear the CPS worker arguing with Steve’s foster parents.

“He was just throwing a tantrum!”

“He had an asthma attack! He could have died. You recklessly endangered his life.”

“Oh please, he’s faking it to get attention. This is what kids like him do. He gets into fights and fakes illnesses, all for a little attention.”

Bucky clenched his fist, using all his willpower not to go out there and speak up. 

“Attention? You were aware of his medical history before you signed the paperwork. You said you could handle it.”

“And we did! You don’t think he’s faking it? We’ll show you.”

The door opened and suddenly Steve’s foster father stormed in, reaching for Steve. Bucky grabbed his wrist. “Don’t you dare touch him,” he growled angrily, standing and turning on them.

The older man faltered, then his expression hardened. “Let go of me. It’s friends like you that turned this brat into a troublemaker.”

“I won’t. Not until you get the hell out of this room.”

The man raised his hand, and back handed Bucky. Bucky was vaguely aware of the CPS worker calling for security. If this asshole thought a hit like that was going to make Bucky back down, though, he was mistaken.

Some instinct told Bucky not to hit back, that that would make it worse. Then, just as the man rose his hand again, the hospital security rushed in. Bucky let go as the guards grabbed the older man and stepped back. 

“Please remove this man from the premises,” the CPS worker said. She looked at Bucky with concern. “Are you all right?”

Bucky took a shuddering breath, then raised his hand to his cheek and winced. “No, ma’am. Steve isn’t going to go back to those bastards, is he?”

She smiled softly and gently touched his shoulder. “No. If I have anything to say about it, they’ll serve time. We’ll find a new home for him. A better one. I know you two are close. Steve’s spoken of you before.”

Bucky blinked, focusing on her now. “He has?”

“Yes. You know I like to check in on you kids. He speaks very highly of you and I can see why now. I’ll get a nurse in here to look at the cheek. If you see either of those two again, call the police, then call me, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

~~~  
Bucky leaned against Steve’s door. It was a couple weeks after his asthma attack. Steve had been placed into Bucky’s foster home almost immediately after that, and Bucky suspected that was partially thanks to the CPS worker. Steve seemed to have mostly recovered, but every now and then, when Steve thought no one was looking, Bucky caught him looking sad.

It wasn’t just a normal sadness, like the kind that Bucky got sometimes when thinking about his parents. It was deeper than that. Bucky could only imagine what Steve’s illnesses cost him. In those moments, Bucky wouldn’t demand anything of Steve. He’d just sit next to him with a book.

After those first two weeks, Steve seemed to get better, even picking up paper and pencil to sketch again. Bucky grinned as he watched. “You know you really are good,” he said. “I bet Peggy’s been modeling for you.”

Steve laughed. “Not hardly. Actually, I joined a free community class. They bring in models all the time. Well, at least I went until _they_ would wouldn’t let me.” Steve got that sad look on his face again.

Bucky didn’t have to ask who _they_ were. “Well, they don’t matter anymore. And if you can’t go to the community art class anymore, I'll model for you.”

Steve’s smile returned instantly. “Really? I mean, you’d be a great model, but I don’t want to be…”

“You’re not bothering me,” Bucky assured him. “Promise. Just tell me what you need.” He grabbed a chair and set it in front of Steve, striking what he imagined a heroic pose was, with his foot propped on the seat of the chair.

Steve started laughing. “You do realise you have to hold that pose for a while.”

“Stop laughing, punk. I can do it.”

Still chuckling, Steve started to draw. He was quiet for a while, focusing on what he was doing. “So how are you and Sharon doing?”

Bucky nearly lost his pose, feeling guilt creep in. Why he suddenly felt guilty, he had no idea. It wasn’t as though it was some big secret that they were dating. “We’re doing well, I guess. She’s nice. I’m lucky to have her.”

“Yeah, I feel the same way about Peggy.” Bucky glanced over, but couldn’t figure out the expression on Steve’s face. All he knew was it made Bucky want to hug Steve and tell him it would be all right.

“Are you two really doing okay?” Bucky asked, still holding his pose. “I mean, I know you both like each other, but…” He stopped, unsure how to really voice his thoughts without sounding like an ass.

Steve looked surprised at the question. “Yeah, I mean I guess so. She’s great and she treats me like a real person. She reminds me of y…” Steve broke off, looking embarrassed.

“What?” Bucky asked. “Who does she remind you of?”

“Uh… my mom,” Steve answered hastily, blushing.

Bucky laughed. “Your mom? Well, no wonder. Dude, you can’t date your mom. Er… a mom figure. And I might be wrong, but I don’t think she’d want that either. Girls like to be treated like women, like… like you. You like to be treated like a real person. Not as a kid. Same would go for her. How far have you gone?”

“Bucky!” Steve closed his sketchbook quickly, his ears bright red. “You can’t just ask that!”

Bucky finally broke his pose and plopped down next to Steve. “Well, okay, you don’t have to answer. I’m just saying… Actually, I don’t know what I’m saying. Ignore me. Only thing I’ve done with Sharon is kiss myself.” 

“Really? I would have thought you’d have gotten a little further. Even I got a little more than that with Peggy at my birthday party last year.” Steve stopped, turning bright red and quickly changing the subject. “Hey, when’s your birthday anyway?” 

Bucky blinked and thought about it. He never really thought about his own birthday. He hadn't celebrated it since his parents had died. “Uhm, I think it was last week actually.” He rarely even thought about it except when filling out paperwork.

“Last week?” Steve asked. “Why didn't you say anything? Well, it’s not too late. Come on.”

“What?” Bucky looked confused as Steve stood. He could feel the emptiness that Steve had left next to him and he wanted Steve to sit back down.

“We’re going to celebrate your birthday! Come on. Let’s call everyone. We can all go out for at least ice cream. I’ll call Natasha so she can tell Clint, then you can call Sharon and I’ll call Peggy and we can all go down to that new ice cream place.”

Steve ran excitedly to the phone. Bucky stared after him while Steve chattered on the phone. Celebrate? Bucky would have been happy to just stay next to Steve. But clearly Steve wanted to get them all together.

Bucky sighed and stood up. This constant need to have Steve near him… it was stupid. Bucky was stupid. He was acting like he was in love with Steve, but he couldn't be. It wasn’t possible.

Whether the mark was hidden or not, the truth was that Bucky’s soul mate was out there somewhere, and it wasn’t Steve. Bucky had seen Steve naked, had even helped bathe him at the hospital. Steve hadn't let anyone but Bucky help and Bucky was sure he would have seen a mark if Steve had had one.

Was it possible for a soul bonding to be one-sided? Bucky had no idea, and doubted there were any books to tell him. He had certainly never heard of such a thing, so either he had just set a precedent, or his soul mate was still out there somewhere, looking for him. And all Bucky wanted all he could think about, was Steve. 

That thought caught Bucky by surprise. That wasn’t the way soul mates worked. You fell in love with your soul mate. It’s just the way things were. But Bucky couldn’t deny the truth. He wanted Steve more with each passing day, but couldn’t have him.

That was why Bucky had really gone out with Sharon, trying to ignore these feelings that he didn’t understand and wished would go away. And as much as Bucky wanted Steve to just be content with the two of them, it wasn’t fair to Steve. 

Steve hung up the phone and Bucky reached around him. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll call Sharon.” 

~~~  
“Happy birthday to you!” 

Bucky laughed as he blew out the candle on the huge cupcake everyone had bought him. He didn’t bother actually making a wish though. “Thank you,” he said, grinning. “This is the best.”

“Well we would have come up with something better if we’d known,” Natasha said. “We’ll be better prepared for next year.”

“I don’t know if I should be frightened or not,” Bucky chuckled. “Here, you guys are going to have to help me with this cupcake. It’s gigantic.” He pushed it to the middle of the table. There was a bit of a fork battle as everyone dug in at once.

Sharon leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Maybe later I’ll give you a real present,” she whispered.

Bucky glanced at her and smiled. He didn’t know what exactly she was referring to, but he could guess and he wasn’t ready. “You don’t have to. Believe me, this is more than I expected.”

She looked at him a long time, then took his hand. “Come on.”

Sharon led him outside and leaned against the wall, giving him a sad smile. “Bucky, I know men can be thick, but I don’t think I was that subtle. I need you to be honest with me. Do you even like me?”

Bucky blushed guiltily. “I do, but…”

“But not like that.” Sharon nodded. “I understand.”

“Sharon, I…” Bucky stopped. Anything he said would sound bad. “I’m sorry,” he said instead. “I didn’t mean to lead you on.”

She placed a hand on his arm. “It’s okay, Bucky. Some day I hope you find the right person for you. But hey, we’re young. It’s okay to experiment.”

He didn’t bother to tell her that he already knew who he was in love with. “I hope the best for you too, Sharon.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Let’s go back inside.”


	4. Chapter 4

_~September 1997~_

"Can i tell you something I haven't told anyone else?"

"Of course, James."

Bucky took a deep breath. "I think I'm in love with my best friend," he said quickly, before he could change his mind about admitting it.

His therapist seemed unperturbed by the announcement, which made him feel a little silly that he'd kept it secret for this long. "I see. And does he know?"

"No. It's complicated. He's with someone else and I don't even know if he's gay or not. Hell, I don't even know if I am either."

"It's okay to not know, or to not want to come out. Do you think this is why you started acting out after he was moved to Philadelphia?"

"I don't know. Maybe?" That wasn't entirely true. Bucky knew very well that it was. He hated that Steve was so far away that he couldn't protect him if something happened. 

On the good days, it only affected his sleep. On the bad days... Well, there was a reason he was in therapy now.

His therapist smiled. "You miss him."

"Every day," Bucky admitted.

"It's good that you can be honest with yourself. Okay, I'm going to give you some reading material that should be helpful to you. I know school starts for you next week. Is recommend leaving these at home. I know some of your peers may not understand, and this is just for you."

She pulled a couple of thin books out of her drawer and handed them to him. Bucky glanced at the titles. "Understanding Sexuality and Growing Up Queer?"

She nodded. "Even if you decide that you are not gay, they may help you understand. And if you are, they offer some insight into coping with it. You won't hear this from your sexual education teacher, but there's more sexualities than just gay and lesbian. Remember it’s just a guide. No one can decide what you are but you.”

Bucky nodded and accepted the books. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“I’ll see you again in two weeks and we can talk about what you’ve discovered if you like.”

~~~  
Bucky met Natasha and Clint at a nearby restaurant, since his current keeper hadn’t been able to pick him up today. Mr. Coulson was a nice guy, but sometimes he tried too hard. The forty he’d given Bucky for dinner and a taxi was proof of that. 

Well, if Bucky was honest, it was only the second place that Bucky had been moved to where he felt wanted. Even after all the problems Bucky had caused for the guy over the past year, Phil had not given up on him.

“Over here, Bucky!” Natasha called from the table. He grinned and waved as he walked over and sat down. 

“You’re rather chipper, Nat. What’s up?” 

“Got a letter from Steve for you.”

“Really?” Bucky was aware of how eager he sounded, but he didn’t care. “Where?”

She waved it at him teasingly. “Shall I open it for you?”

“Hell no. Give it here.” Bucky snatched at it, but Natasha was faster and held it out of reach, laughing. 

“Only if you pay for my dinner,” she joked. 

“Done.” He finally managed to grab the letter and practically tore it open, reading it quickly. When he was done, he read it again, making sure he hadn’t just imagined what he’d read.

“What is it?” Clint asked.

“Steve’s moving back.”

“What?!” Natasha and Clint both said at the same time. 

Bucky handed the letter over. Steve had talked about how there had been some problems with the new family, mostly his fault, and that after discussing it with the family and his social worker, they’d decided to move him back to New York.

Bucky couldn’t deny the relief he felt at hearing that. “He said he’ll be moving back next weekend and settling in, so he may not get to see us right away, since he wants to get off on the right foot with this new family.”

“Well, we’ll have to make plans to visit him the weekend after then,” Natasha said.

Clint grinned. “We should all go out to Coney Island.”

“I’ve got an appointment that Saturday,” Bucky said. He considered canceling it, but shook his head at the thought. Talking had helped, especially talking to someone who wasn’t connected to Steve. As eager as he was to see Steve, he couldn’t cancel his therapy appointment. “We should see if we can go Sunday.”

“All right, I’ll call Steve later today and talk to him and let you guys know. Unless you want to call him, Bucky?” Clint was grinning at him.

“What? No! You can call him. It doesn’t matter to me.” He wondered if Clint suspected and thought about the reading material in his bag. Suddenly Bucky wondered how Clint and Natasha would take the news if Bucky was gay. Neither of them had seemed particularly inclined toward that. Would they care at all, or would they care too much?

Clint just laughed. “All right. I’ll call him.”

~~~  
School began on Monday. This was Bucky’s senior year. He glanced at his schedule again, committing the room numbers to memory. Most of the other kids moved out of his way as he headed for his first class, remembering how bad he had been the year before. The only ones who didn’t were the jocks, football players who thought the world revolved around them. 

In a different life, Bucky might have become one of them, but he was glad now that he hadn’t. Most of them didn’t care about anyone but themselves; the sort to compliment a woman to her face, then call her names behind her back. 

He locked eyes with one in particular, a guy named Brock, and they glared at each other. Bucky had beaten him up last year for just that reason and they’d hated each other since. Neither said a word though as Bucky walked by.

Somehow he made it through the first week of class without any major trouble. He even managed to bite his tongue with his english teacher who had decided Bucky was a troublemaker and to single him out every day for questions. By the end of the week, he felt completely useless in English, but at least math came easy to him. His math teacher pulled him aside at the end of the week.

“You should be in calculus already, why aren’t you?”

Bucky shrugged. “Senior year, sir. I’d rather take it easy.”

“You’re not stupid, Bucky. You could easily get into a good college.”

“I’m not going to college,” Bucky admitted.

“Why not?” Mr. Banner sounded like he genuinely wanted to know and Bucky stopped to really think about it. He’d just always assumed he wouldn’t go to college, but he’d never really thought about the reasons, aside from having to support himself.

“I can’t afford it,” he finally said. “College is too expensive and after I turn eighteen, I’ll be on my own. I’m just a foster kid. I have to get a job as soon as I graduate high school. Probably before, since they won’t be legally responsible for me after March.”

“You could get scholarships.”

“I wouldn’t know how to even start or if they’d cover everything. I worked part time over the summer and the guy said he’d take me back as soon as I graduate, so I just figured I’d go there.”

Mr. Banner looked at Bucky for a long moment, then nodded. “Do me a favor. You can go to community college relatively for free right now, especially if you’re low income. Think about it. You can take a lot of good classes at community college, even if you can only go at night. I’ll get you some information on one that has a really good math and science program.”

“Thank you, sir.”

As he left the classroom, Bucky allowed himself to be surprised at the number of people who seemed to care about his well-being these days. It was an odd feeling. He’d gotten used to it from his friends, but then Phil and his therapist and now Banner…They all wanted him to succeed. 

Bucky shook his head. It didn’t actually matter either way. He’d be graduating in a year and on his own and no one was going to help him at that point, no matter what they claimed now.

~~~  
Bucky approached Monday with a sense of eagerness and impatience. Steve had said he’d be able to go to Coney Island this Sunday, which meant that Bucky was already ready for the week to be over before it had barely started. 

He passed by the locker room on the way to his next class, then stopped when he heard Brock’s voice. “Listen, punk. There’s only one way for this to go. You give me what I want, I don’t find ways to humiliate you in front of the entire senior class.”

Bucky frowned. Seemed like the asshole had already started in on the freshmen. Shit. Bucky would probably get in trouble, but he wasn’t about to let this continue. He stepped in as he heard a scuffle, then someone hit a trashcan. 

Picking up his pace, Bucky rounded the lockers. “Rumlow! Didn’t you learn to not pick on people smaller than you. Seems you need a new lesson.”

“From you?” Brock turned to Bucky. Bucky couldn’t see the other kid and hoped he’d get out of here.

“You’ve got two options here,” Bucky said, shifting slightly to give himself more balance in case Brock came at him. “Leave the kid alone and get the hell out of here, or I remind you why it’s a bad idea to piss me off.”

Brock looked like he would fight for a second, then apparently thought better of it. “Whatever, man. He’s not worth it.” He pushed past Bucky, elbowing him roughly.

Bucky knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. He watched him leave, then turned back to the kid, who was picking himself up. “I had him…” the kid started, then stopped.

Bucky stared for a long moment, heart pounding. “Steve?” His voice nearly broke with emotion. _Dammit, Barnes. Get yourself under control._ He hadn’t expected to see Steve here, had expected to have more time to prepare himself for seeing him again. Steve looked even more pale than he had when Bucky had last seen him. There were definitely a few more scars.

Steve broke the staring contest first. “Bucky! I didn’t know you were going to this school.”

Bucky found himself grinning ear to ear. “I should say the same to you, punk. Are you picking fights already?”

“Hey, I don’t go looking for trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah. You just have one of those faces.”

The bell rang and Bucky cursed. “Shit. We’re late for class. Did he hit you hard?”

“Naw, I’m tough and he hits like a girl.”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, he does. Where’s your class? I’ll walk you there. If a teacher asks, we’ll just say I was helping you cause you got lost.”

~~~  
It didn’t take long for the rumours to start. Bucky and Steve were always seen together, as much as they could be with different class schedules. Of course no one ever said anything to Bucky’s face, but he heard them anyway. That he and Steve were a couple. It didn’t really bother him what they said about him, but he was worried that Steve might not want the association.

After reading through the pamphlets that his therapist had given him, Bucky was certain that he was definitely gay… possibly even bisexual. He didn’t understand it completely. It wasn’t that he was attracted to every guy out there. But when he thought about it seriously, setting Steve aside, there were just as many guys as girls that Bucky had watched from a distance.

But with Steve back, close to Bucky, no one else even came close to making Bucky feel, well, alive.

~~~  
“Do you know much about soul mates,” Bucky asked his therapist that Saturday.

“I know a little,” she said. “Why?”

Bucky shifted, unsure if he could say it out loud. “Remember when I said I thought I was in love with my best friend? Well, I’m sure of it now. But…”

His therapist watched him. He looked at her and he knew that she could tell where this was going, but she was allowing him to move at his own pace. That was one of the things Bucky liked about her. She’d never brushed off his concerns or told him that it was all in his head.

“I’m bound to someone,” he finally said. “And I’d swear it was him, but he doesn’t have a mark like mine, or any for that matter.”

“And why do you think it’s him?”

“Because I know what soul mates act like when they’re bound. I remember my parents…” His voice caught. “They were miserable when they were separated. I remember Mom would cry herself to sleep some nights. When Steve was moved to Philly, it felt like I had been torn in half.” He stopped, unable to admit anymore.

His therapist nodded. “Have you told your friend?”

“Hell no,” Bucky blurted out, then blushed at his language. “I mean, no ma’am. I mean, it wouldn’t be fair to him. We’re best friends. If I come out to him... “

“You’re afraid he won’t want to be friends with you anymore.”

“Maybe. Yeah. It’s one thing to tell your best friend that you love him, especially when you’re both guys, but then to also tell him that I think I’m bound to him?”

She smiled sympathetically. “Start small then. See how he handles you admitting that you aren’t straight. If he is really as good a friend as you believe, he’ll be supportive. But only do it when you’re ready. Don’t force yourself into it.”

Bucky left his session feeling marginally better. Still, Sunday rolled around and Bucky just couldn't find an opportunity to break things to Steve. In fact, it never seemed a good time. First it was just that they never had time together where it was just the two of them, then there were pep rallies and midterms.

Somehow they made it through most of the first semester without any major run-ins with Brock’s group. However the rumors continued and Bucky found out that it was Brock who had started them and Bucky knew that people were teasing Steve behind his back, although he didn’t know how Steve was handling it.

After school, about a week before Thanksgiving, Bucky caught Brock alone in the locker room. “We need to talk.”

Brock laughed at him. “What, your twink boyfriend not doing it for you, Barnes? Need a bigger dick in you.”

“That’s funny, Brock,” Bucky said. “No bigger dick than you. I know you were the one who started those rumors.”

“Did I make the little fag cry?”

Bucky grabbed Brock suddenly and slammed him against the wall, making Brock grunt in pain. “Only going to tell you this once, Rumlow. There is nothing going on between Steve and I.”

Brock sneered. “Didn’t your momma ever teach you not to tell lies? Oh that’s right. She’s dead.” He didn’t get to say more than that as Bucky pulled back and punched him hard in the stomach.

Pulling off his jacket, Bucky revealed the tattoo. “Pay attention, asshole. I’m soulbound to someone and it’s not Steve.” Although Bucky felt certain that was a lie, he had to get Brock off their case. “And Steve has a girlfriend, who is smart and pretty and a hell of a lot more than he ever asked for. Whereas you can’t even get a girl to consider you after last year. Think about that.”

“Bucky?”

Bucky whirled and saw Steve standing there, staring at the mark. Bucky clamped a hand over it, then realised how stupid that looked and grabbed his jacket instead, hurriedly tossing it on. He looked back at Brock, who was glaring at him. “And don’t ever talk about my mother again.” He turned and left, Steve hurrying to keep up.

He stopped outside the school and leaned against the wall, unable to meet Steve’s eyes.

“Bucky, you never told me…” Steve sounded hurt and Bucky tried to give him a smile.

“Well, the thing is… I didn’t know how. And it doesn’t matter, cause the person I love is in love with someone else. So what’s the point in dwelling on it?”

“Who is it? Can you tell me who you’re in love with?”

Bucky looked up and met Steve’s eyes, trying to find the words to tell him that _he_ was the one. “I… I can’t. Not just yet. Give me some time, okay?”

“Okay, Bucky.” Steve smiled. “I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't feature much interaction between Steve and Bucky, I know, but I felt it was important to show Bucky growing and maturing apart from Steve, and realising who he is and exactly what Steve really means to him. I hope you all like it. Only one chapter to go.


	5. Chapter 5

_~December 1997~_

Bucky grabbed his coat as the doorbell rang. It was the weeknd before Christmas and Phil had left on an overnight business trip, leaving Bucky alone in the house. Which was just fine with Bucky, since it meant he could invite his friends over without Phil trying to act like a ‘cool dad.’ It felt odd to even think about Phil like that, but there was really no other way to describe his foster parent. He wasn’t just some adult letting Bucky borrow a bed until something else came up.

Case in point was the hundred dollars Phil had practically shoved into Bucky’s hand before he left, so Bucky could order pizza and get Christmas presents without having to use his own savings. 

Christmas shopping was exactly where Bucky was going now, with Clint, Natasha, and Steve, after which Bucky had invited them all back to watch movies and eat pizza. It was partly an excuse to have just have Steve over. 

Bucky opened the door and smiled at Steve. Steve was bundled up against the frigid air, his voice muffled behind the scarf. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said. “Let me guess, Clint drove his jeep?”

Steve laughed. “Yeah, Natasha wasn’t able to borrow her parent’s car. You may want more than just your jacket.”

“I should be fine. Let’s just get this over with. Crowds are going to be a nightmare.”

“That’s your fault for waiting until now to shop,” Steve teased.

“Well, I didn’t know Phil was going to give me money. I wasn’t even going to do gifts this year.”

“You know you still don’t have to.”

Bucky shook his head as he locked the door. “I should get everyone something. Might be my last chance before I have to focus on rent and stuff.”

Steve gave him a gentle shove. “I know the feeling. You and I should find a place together. It would be cheaper.”

Bucky bit his tongue on saying just how bad of an idea that would be right now. After all, Bucky didn’t know how things were going to go tonight once Bucky broke the news to Steve.

That was the main reason Bucky had waited so long to go Christmas shopping. He’d been on the fence over what to give Steve, considering what he would admit tonight. _If_ he could admit it. _One step at a time, Barnes,_ he told himself.

~~~  
Once they were at the mall, they split up, with plans to meet back at the food court when they were done. Bucky took a moment to review his plan again. Steve, Nat, Clint, and Phil. Peggy had gone to England for the break, so at least he didn’t have to worry about getting her anything right away.

Steve was the tough choice. Bucky had a million thoughts about what he should buy Steve and what he wanted to buy Steve, but none of them seemed right. He’d considered buying Steve a present from a specialty store that made custom gifts, but then worried that it might be too forward. After all, Bucky had no idea how Steve would react when Bucky finally came clean about his feelings.

In the end, he bought Steve a leather-bound sketch book. It seemed like such a stupid gift, but he hoped Steve would like it. Clint, a fan of archery, got new bowstrings. Natasha received a necklace, leaving Phil with a new tie. Each gift was gift wrapped and placed in a bag that Bucky had brought with him. 

On the way back, he stopped at the specialty jewelry shop and looked at the rings. This place could make a custom ring with a design of your choice. That was what Bucky had considered getting Steve, then decided against. With a sigh, he pulled himself away and met back up with the group, the last one to arrive.

“You’re late,” Natasha said.

“No, I’m not,” Bucky countered, without looking at his watch. “You all just finished early.”

Steve laughed. “He’s got you there, Nat. Come on. Let’s get back. I’m hungry and it’s cold.”

“So am I,” Clint said. “And I remember being promised pizza as payment for my taxi service.”

 

Bucky grinned. “Pizza I can do.”

They piled back into Clint’s jeep and Bucky tried not to shiver from the cold air as he wrapped his arms around himself... He wasn’t worried about getting sick, but maybe he should have grabbed at least a hat. At least it wasn’t too far back to his place.

There was a sudden warmth at his side and he looked over to find that Steve had slid next to him, pressing up uncomfortably close. Bucky’s hands fell quickly to his lap as Steve winked up at him. “You looked a little cold.”

“I, uh… thanks.” Bucky smiled down at his friend and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Steve. “It might storm later.”

“That’s okay. There’s no way in hell I’m going back out in this until tomorrow.”

Bucky laughed at that and agreed. “Hot chocolate, popcorn, pizza, and movies. That’s all I want to do tonight.”

“Same.”

~~~  
Once settled back at Bucky’s house with pizza and soda, they threw in movies. Each of them had brought a movie to watch. Clint had brought a cartoon, while Natasha had brought some horror flick. Steve had borrowed an action film from the library, and Bucky had picked out a drama, so they had plenty of variety.

After the first couple of movies, they exchanged gifts. Natasha and Clint both loved their gifts. Steve smiled as he unwrapped his gift, but Bucky thought that the smile didn’t quite go all the way to his face. Then again, maybe it was just his imagination. 

Bucky loved all of his gifts, and laughed at the kiddy chemistry set that Clint had got him. He glanced over at Steve, who hadn’t handed Bucky a gift. Steve glanced at Natasha and Clint, who both stood. “Clint and I need to get something from the car,” Natasha said.

Perplexed, Bucky watched the pair hurry to the door. He glanced back at Steve, who looked a bit uncomfortable. Bucky’s heart sped up. Did Steve already know? Was he going to turn Bucky down before Bucky had even opened up? 

He didn’t get to find out right away, as Clint opened the door and a blast of snow and frigid air blew in. “Shit,” Clint said. ‘Storm’s here. There is no way in hell I’m driving in this.”

“Driving?” Bucky stood and walked over. Sure enough, both Natasha and Clint had all their things gathered up, as if they were going to leave, without even saying goodbye. “Okay, first of all, no. You aren’t driving in this. You can both call your folks and let them know you’re staying here. Second of all, what the hell is going on?”

Clint and Natasha glanced at each other, then looked at Steve. Bucky looked at him. The smaller boy shifted. “Bucky, we need to talk.”

Bucky’s heart sank. “Steve, if this is about me liking guys, I… If you don’t like it, fine. I just… It’s who I am.”

Steve shook his head. “It’s not that, Bucky. I just can’t do this anymore.”

“This?”

“Us. I can’t keep…”

“Us,” Bucky interrupted. So Steve did know. “Okay. You can’t do us anymore. I mean, I never asked anything from you beyond friendship. But if that’s too much for you, that’s okay. I’m sure Peggy’s much better for you.”

“That’s not…”

“It’s okay, Steve. I understand.” Bucky turned and fled the room, taking the stairs two steps at a time. He escaped to his room and sat on the bed, trying to calm his breathing. He’d handled that badly. He knew he had. But the last thing he wanted to hear was Steve tell him that they couldn’t at least be friends. 

The door opened and Steve stepped in. Bucky couldn’t even get out the words to tell Steve to get out and leave him alone. Steve looked exasperated himself. Without saying anything else, Steve closed the door, then strode purposefully over to the bed and kissed Bucky.

The kiss stole Bucky’s breath away, unexpected and passionate. Bucky couldn’t process what was going on. He froze for a moment, then his body responded. He wrapped his arms around Steve, closing his eyes as he kissed him back. It was everything that Bucky had imagined it would be. 

Steve pushed Bucky back onto the bed, not breaking the kiss even for an instant. Bucky didn’t want him to. He pushed all his doubts and worries to the back of his mind and just let instinct guide him.

They stopped short of actually getting undressed. Bucky couldn’t tell how much time had passed before they broke the kiss, but finally Steve pulled back. “Jerk,” he said. “What I wanted to say was I couldn’t be okay with just friends anymore. I love you, Bucky.”

Bucky’s breath caught, hearing those words from Steve. “I love you too, punk. How long have you known?”

Steve blushed and curled up around Bucky. “That you loved me? Since you broke up with Sharon, although I think I kinda guessed before that. That I loved you? Since I first met you. Even before I knew you had the same mark as me.”

Bucky sat up. “You do not have a mark. I’ve seen you…” He stopped. “I mean…”

Steve laughed. “I know you’ve seen me naked. I was hiding mine. Just like you were. I knew you were my soulmate, but you were always so adamant about not wanting a soulmate that I didn’t want to tell you. And in case you’re worried about Peggy, don’t be. I’ve already explained everything.”

“Wait a minute. Peggy, Nat, and Clint all knew?”

“Well, Natasha’s not stupid. Clint probably guessed, but I didn’t tell him until we laid out the plan for tonight. I didn’t realise it was bothering you so much though.”

“For a few years now, yeah.” Bucky rubbed his face. “I’m an idiot.”

“Well, so am I. I was kinda worried you were still going to want to just stay friends, despite everything. Now that we’ve mostly got that straightened out, we can both stop being idiots.”

Bucky laughed and laid back down, pulling Steve close to him. “I don’t think that will ever happen. But I’m never going to let you go.”

~~~  
 _Six months later..._

Bucky grinned, more happy than he felt he had any right to be, as he walked up to claim his diploma. After the confrontation around Thanksgiving with Brock, and Bucky and Steve finally getting together at Christmas, Bucky’s life had taken a turn for the better.

It had started with him and Steve, of course, and then Phil had come home and made the announcement that he had officially adopted Bucky.

_”I know you’ll be eighteen in a few months, so this probably doesn’t mean a whole lot,” Coulson had said. “I was actually hoping to get this done sooner, but the paperwork took longer than expected. What it means is that you have a place to stay, even after you graduate. You don’t have to worry about trying to find a place and support yourself. Not until you’re ready.”_

Bucky had actually started crying. It was embarrassing, but the relief he had felt had been overwhelming. And when Bucky had told Phil that he was gay and Steve was his soulmate, the man had told him that Steve was welcome to move in after graduation as well. “After all,” Phil had said. “I’ve got a huge house and I’m away on business a lot. There’ll have to be some ground rules, but I’m okay with it.”

As Bucky was handed his diploma, he grinned widely at the small group on one side. All of the friends he had made over the years were waving and cheering at him. Peggy, Sharon, Clint, and Natasha all went to different high schools. Bucky and Steve had attended their ceremonies, but today, it was Steve and Bucky’s day to celebrate. The rest of the graduating class was going to Coney Island for grad night, but Bucky had made plans with Steve to have some alone time, now that they were both adults. Bucky had rented a cabin and they would head up after dinner with Phil and their friends.

Bucky looked back as Steve was given his diploma. He grinned and took Steve’s hand after his friend stepped off the stage. They walked back to their seats together, oblivious to the looks from the rest of the graduating class.

As the ceremony finished and the seniors all threw their caps into the air, Bucky grabbed Steve and kissed him passionately. They’d done it and they were together. Just how it was meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, that was a cheesy ending, but I was happy with it. The boys, as usual, did their own thing in the end. I hope you enjoyed this. Leave me kudos/comments if you did and thank you for sticking it out with me!


End file.
